Welcome To 3 Weeks In Hell! KH Style!
by RandomNobody13
Summary: Can't say it's goona be good...
1. Chapter 1

I wanted to write another story! And so I will! Don't worry, I'll still keep up with my other story.

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Destiny Islands.

Sora and Riku were on their tree, looking at the sunset, talking, and talking, and… talking. Kairi was of course listening, listening, and… listening.

All of a sudden, a wormhole appears.

"HOLY MOTHER! IT'S A WORMHOLE!" Sora said.

"No shit Sherlock, didn't you read the third sentence?!?!?!" The wormhole said.

"WTF! It talks too!" Riku said, hanging on to Kairi for dear life.

"Get off!" Kairi said, pulling Riku off and into the ocean. "oops."

"Well, anyway, the author asked me if I could painfully suck you into the plot. So, can i?"

"Sure!" Riku said, coming back from his swim.

"All right! Vacation!" Sora yelled.

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The Organization was not having a very good day. Their cable subscription had expired so now all that they could watch were Spanish soap operas and educational programs. All 12 were complaining to their leader, Xemnas.

"Xemnas! You're making me miss my show!" Axel said, waving his Kakashi doll around. Everyone sweatdropped.

"Oh, Carmen, porque? WTF! When did you people get in here?" Xemnas said, on the couch watching one of the soap operas.

"Ok." Roxas said.

"Uh… what was the problem?" Demyx asked.

"The problem is, the cable! Now what are we to do with our pitiful lives!" Demyx said.

At the end of the room, our good friend Mr. Wormhole had just appeared. "Let's see, who do I gotta get now? Ah some people named Roxas, Larxene, Marluxia, Luxord, Demyx, Axel, Saix, Zexion, Lexaeus, Vexen, Xaldin, Xigbar, and the crackpot Xemnas."

"Hey! I'm not a crackpot!" Xemnas yelled.

"Sorry, but that's what it says."

"Lemme see." Xemnas grabbed the list. "Hey! What's this for?"

"The author said not to tell you anything. Now, are you ready to get forcibly sucked to the plot?"

"Eh, I have nothing to do anyways." Larxene said.

"Then it's settled!" Demyx said, already packed.

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Ooh, what am I planning? Who knows. My mind has trouble focusing. Tell me what you think so far!


	2. Chapter 2

Thx for reviewing!

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Let's get back to what happened to Sora, Riku, and Kairi, shall we?

The wormhole dropped them off after a wild ride to Shakey's, Tokyo, and, Egypt.

"See? I told you, it was a turn at the damn sphinx, but no! Since you're so smart!" Sora yelled.

"Ah, shaddup, at least I'm getting paid!" And with that, Mr. Wormhole went to go get our other caracters.

"Well," Kairi said, cleaning gerself off, "What are we doing now? Where are we?"

"You are on a remote island, where you will stay!" A voice said, coming from a convenient PA system hidden behind a tree.

"OMG! A voice from that tree!" Riku said.

"Thank you, Captain Obvious. Now follow these convenient arrows on the floor, and meet your roommates!" The voice said.

"Ok! Hey, wait, I never heard that there were going to be roommates." Sora said.

"You didn't get the memo. NOW GO." The voice said.

All three of them shrugged and marched on.

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Organization XIII

"Well, that was a total waste of 20 hours." Zexion said, glad to be out of the wormhole.

"Bastard doesn't even know how to read directions." Larxene said.

"Where are we?" Roxas said.

"Why, you're on an all expense paid trip to the Bahamas!" The conveniently placed PA system rang out.

"OMG! Really?" Xemnas said.

"n- I mean, yes of course. Would a voice coming from nowhere lie to you?"

"Um," Vexen said.

"The answer is… HELL YEAH! But that's not the point. Follow these conveniently placed arrows." The voice said.

They couldn't find anything to argue with, so they went on.

"Damn voice..." Xemnas muttered

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Back with Sora, Riku, and Kairi…

They had been walking for an hour when they reached a three story beach house.

"Whoa." All three of them said.

"Well, look who it is."

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Back with Organization XIII…

"Why couldn't we open a portal ad just flown here?" Zexion said, carrying all of the Organization's stuff. He had lost at 'rock, paper, scissors' so he had to carry everything.

"That's so ten minutes ago. Get with the time Zexion." Axel said.

"Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we –"

"Shut up, Demyx!"

"Hey! Fan hair and water boy! We're here!"

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That took me so long to write! If it's not funny, tell me! Please! I'll try to make it funnier.

Reviews, flames, whatever; it is accepted.


	3. Chapter 3

Here you are! Chapter 3!

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With Sora, Riku, and Kairi

"Look! It's Leon, Aerith, Cid, Yuffie, Cloud, and Sepiroth!" Kairi said.

"Why'd you say that losers name first?" Sepiroth said.

"Screw you Sepiroth!" (Hint: His hair defies gravity, carries a big sword, yeah)

"Hey! This is a T- rated fanfiction!" Kairi said.

" Well, anyways, would you like to see where we're all staying?" Aerith said

"Eh, why not?" Riku said.

And so they all marched on.

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Let's check up on the Organization, shall we?

Xemnas was in the lead, since he was the 'leader' and stuff.

Saix, was in the back, killing every bug that got near him. Larxene, well, she was up top. Literally. On top of Lexaeus and Roxas, actually.

"C'mon, you sausages! Walk! Walk!"

Poor Roxas.

"Put some backbone into it, fan boy!" Larxene said, pulling out a hot dog.

"No! You evil sadist!" Roxas yelled, trying to bite the hot dog. He was hungry. Very hungry.

"That's what they call me!" Larxene said.

"Can't anyone else carry this stuff?" Zexion said.

"No" Everyone else said in unison.

"Larxene, get your butt off of us! We're here!" Roxas huffed at her.

"Huh, didn't notice." With that she jumped off.

"This is what I get for skipping gym in school" Roxas puffed out.

" Anyways, how do you know that we're here, Roxas" Vexen said, clearly looking for a sign.

Roxas brought up his withered arm and pointed in front of him. There was a sign that said 'You're here! The vacation starts now!'

"Convenient." Xigbar said. (Had to let him say somethin'…)

They stepped out of the jungle part, and saw… Barney! No kids, it wasn't Barney, it was actually… a big mansion!

"OMG!" Xaldin said. Everyone stared. An stared. And stared. Until someone felt that this was stupid and jumped off a cliff. Then Xemnas felt like saying something.

"Hey! I thought this was supposed to be a vaction home for us! This is a conspiracy!"

They had stumbled on a little get together that Aerith had cleverly suggested.

"That's exactly how I felt when I saw you!" Sora said, inside the pool. Did I mention there was a pool? Can't remember. Any ways…

"You both didn't read the fine lines."

"It's that voice again!" Xemnas said, pulling out his lightsabors.

Out of some bushes, came a 13 year-old girl.

"Hiya!"

"o.o" "0.o" (Sora and Riku)

"0.o" "o.o" (Xemnas and Vexen)

Many blank stares.

Until Vexen decided to throw his penny in the box."Pardon my language, but: Who the hell are you?"

She just smiled. Until she remembered something and started looking in her pocket for something.

"Here we are! (clears throat) 'Hello, and welcome to this free island getaway! We couldn't think of any flashy names, so if you don't like it… too bad. The author wishes you a pleasant visit'" She read off some little cards. "For now."

"But that doesn't answer my question."

"Right (Shuffles) 'My name is Ray. I will be the person in charge. I will also obey the monkey king….' Hmm." Ray said.

"You too?" Yuffie said.

"Yup."

"You.. must… die!" Xemnas said all of a sudden.

Ray then pushed a little button she had pulled out just moments before.

Our good old friend Mr. Wormhole came back. And took Xemnas with him. And took him to the moon. But nobody cared.

"Does anyone want a corn dog?" Ray asked.

"I do! I do!" Sora said. Everyone else took one also.

Meanwhile, somewhere not too far (maybe in the bushes)…

"Did Ray make it in?"

"Yes master."

"Good. Now go make me a banana sandwich."

"Yes master."

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Heh-heh, I forgot to mention there was OCs in this.

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You thought it was over? Ha! NEVUR!

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And so went the first day of their vacation. Blah-blah blah.

The second day.

8:30 a.m.

"Axel! Thse pancakes taste friggin' burnt black!" Larxene yelled.

"What'd you expect?!? You only said to make pancakes!"

-Flashback-

Axel was dreaming of burning things, very valuable things, when Larxene broke in to his room.

"Axel!"

"Burn, Mona Lisa, burn!" Axel said in his sleep.

"AXEL!"

"OMFG! How'd you get in here!"

"I opened the door, stupid."

"Huh, and I thought you had to burn the silly thing."

"I'm hungry. Make me pancakes. Now" Larxene said.

"But –"

"NOW!"

End Flashback.

"Can I go back to sleep now?" Axel whined.

"Nope, now that you're here, Axel, make us food." Xemnas said.

"Wait. I thought you were on the moon." Axel asked.

"Let's just say I jumped off the moon, landed in a McDonalds, and got all the way here before you all noticed." Xemnas said.

"Oh. But can't we get Demyx or someone to do this?"

"Nope."

Poor Axel.

1:15 p.m.

"Riku, I'm bored." Sora said.

"Why don't you go jump off a cliff?" Kairi said

"I already did!" Sora whined.

"I know! I know!" Ray said. She magically appeared with Leon, Cloud, Sepiroth, Yuffie, Zexion, and Vexen. All of them looked to be cursing Ray with their evil eyes. "I'm taking these guys for a walk around! Wanna come?"

"Naw that's boring." Sora said.

"Let me rephrase that. 'Wanna' means has to." Ray said with a smile.

"And 'Naw' means no."

Suddenly, Kairi appears with… bells.

"No Kairi, I'll go! I'll go!" Sora said, on his knees.

"That' better." Ray said, dragging Sora.

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Whappana! Got it done!

Ray: Still took you a while.

It's nun ya business.

Review. It costs less than watching Xaldin comb his sideburns. (shudder)


	4. Chapter 4

Here's the fourth chapter

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"Sora would you SHUT THE FUDGEUMS UP!" Cloud yelled.

"Stop yelling at Sora!" Yuffie yelled.

"Stop yelling at him for yelling at Sora!" Leon yelled.

"Stop yelling at me for yelling at him for yelling at Sora!" Yuffie yelled.

"Stop yelling at him for yelling at you for yelling at me for yelling at Sora!" Cloud yelled.

"Stop yelling at Yuffie for yelling at Leon for yelling at Yuffie and blah- blah blah!" Sora yelled.

"And on your right, is a tree! And on your left is a rock!" Ray said. Zexion was busy thinking up of a way to make a certain someone disappear off the face of the earh, and Vexen, well, was taking notes.

"Hey I barely noticed, but has anyone seen Sepiroth?" Sora asked.

"Curse you, Sepiroth!" Cloud yelled.

"Is he always like that?" Sora asked Yuffie.

"Yup. He has to do this everyday or else."

"Or else what?" Sora asked.

"Personally, I care for your safety, Sora, so I'm not gonna tell you." Yuffie said.

"You haven't answered my question!" Sora whined.

"We're back where we started! SHUT UP!" Cloud yelled.

"Oh piñatas, the tour is over." Ray said. Indeed they were back at the start point.

"Yes! Finally!" Cloud yelled. He went inside, and turned on the TV.

"So how was your day?" Xemnas asked Zexion and Vexen.

"I've had better." Both said.

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Somewhere on the island…

"DOGGONE IT! LET ME GO!" Sepiroth exclaimed. Tied up to a chair. (Author's note: You know those detective scenes where that person is under a light. That)

"Now you shall get yours, Sepiroth." The mysterious voice said.

"Who are you?" Sepiroth asked.

"I'm that voice. You know from a while ago?"

"Right. But what do you want from me?" Sepiroth said.

"Torture" With that, a radio appeared. A gloved hand pushed play.

_I don't mind spending some time  
Just hanging here with you  
'Cause I don't find too many guys  
That treat me like you do.  
Those other guys all wanna take me for a ride  
But when I walk they talk of suicide  
Some people never get beyond their stupid pride  
But you can see the real me inside  
And I'm satisfied, oh no, ohh_

"NOOO!!! NOT THAT, ANYTHING BUT THAT!"

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Author's interlude

Don't own song. Sorry if you find it offensive.

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Ray: Do you have something to say or not?!?!?!?!

Author: Maybe. Anyways, this chapter goes on!

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"The things I do for money." Axel said.

"Mannequins don't talk! So shut up!" Larxene yelled.

You see, Axel was in Larxene's room. Wearing a frilly pink dress. In high heels. Having pictures taken. For $100.

At that precise moment, Luxord came in. "Hey Larxene, do you have any valuables I can 'borrow'? OMG!"

"Ha-ha laugh all you want. I'm getting paid." Axel said.

"Demyx, you owe me 50 bucks!" Luxord yelled, running out of the room.

"There! Done." Larxene said. "Now to put this on the internet. You fanfirls will love this."

"You owe me big time!" Axel stormed out of the room.

"And by the by, pink's so not your color!" Larxene said.

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With the rest of the suckers- I mean people…(in the rec room)

"I AM NOT PUNY! COME AND SAY THAT TO MY FACE!" Roxas yelled.

"Ok… short!Short!Short!Short!" Kairi and Riku said.

"You know I'd be tall too if I were waering high heels!" Roxas yelled. Axel walked in, still in high heels.

"Larxene?" Zexion said lazily.

"Yup." Axel said.

"He lies! Don't listen!" Sora yelled. Roxas whapped him on the head with a Keyblade.

… …. …

"Now what?" asked Riku.

"Hey look what I found!" Sora said. In his hands was a … diary.

"Hey it's mine! And its not a diary, it's a… memoir! Yeah that!" Xemnas yelled.

"Hey! Does anyone have a donut? Yuffie wants one." Leon said, popping into the room.

"There's something called a kitchen, you know?" Xemnas said.

… …. …

"Now what?" Sora asked.

"Ooh, I know! I KNOW! Pick me!" Ray said.

"Alright, Ray, what should we do?"

Ray pulled out a DVD. "Let's watch scary movies. First one to cry has to wear a kitten costume for two days."

"Ok, sure, we've got nothing better to do." So everyone in the room agreed.

2 hours later…

"B-blood"

"Oh my Nancy Drew books."

"There's no such thing as cannibalism."

"There goes his arm. And leg. Are those his intestines?"

4 hours later…

"Don't stare at it… don't stare…"

A soft crying sound could be heard.

"Ha! Who creid?"

"Who's talking?

"How should I kow?"

"I like pie!"

"Sora?"

"All right who was crying?"

"Do we have to answer?"

"I collect postage stamps!"

"Oh yeah, well, I collect bottle caps! Ha, beat that!"

"Beads!"

"Action fiures!"

"Voodoo dolls!"

"Spatulas!"

And so passed another day…

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Well, what do you think?

Ugh… brain dead.


	5. Of Mice and Men

**Ohayou gozaimasu! My nickname is Chiyo! My sis, Mi, let me be here!**

Only cuz mom said you're too young to get your own account.

**-sniffles- No fair!**

On with the story!

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It had already been one week, and already half of the beach house was full of Jell-O, five kitchen fires (courtesy of Axel) occurred, and most of the invisible maids had quit.

"All in all, what an eventful frst week." Ray said.

"Now what?" Sora asked.

"Let's have a scavenger hunt!" Ray said. "We'll divide into two groups. The first to the treasure wins."

"Ok," "Yeah," and "Sure" were heard.

Ok the first team was:

Sora

Riku

Kairi

Yuffie

Cid

Cloud

Aerith

Leon

And by the game of rock, paper scissors:

Zexion

Roxas

Axel

The second team:

Xemnas

Demyx

Saix

Luxord

Vexen

Marluxia

Xigbar

Larxene

Lexaeus

Xaldin

"Ok, now that that's decided, we'll flip a coin to see who goes first. If its tails, team 1 goes first. If its heads, team two goes." Ray said. A coin magically appeared, and she flipped it. It landed on heads.

"Yes! Triumphant!" Xemnas said.

"Here's your list."

Atfer five hours of cannibalism, 'accidentally' setting Sora on fire, stealing Demyx's sitar, every one was on their way.

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Author's interlude

I just do this for no apparent reason… unless you like my puppies to roam free in this small space. But actually I wanted to add some pizzazz, so I'm writing short drabbles! Very short. You don't hafta read them.

**... you sometimes scare me or impress me, sis.**

Drabble #1: Why Demyx has a push/pull door at the Castle That Never Was

Roxas, Axel, and Demyx were going to their rooms after drenching Larxene with water, filling Saix's room with nacho cheese, and many other pranks.

Demyx's door came first.

"The door…"

"What about it?"

"I forgot how to open it."

"You're on your own for that one." Both Axel and Roxas left to their rooms.

5 minutes later…

"AAAAGHHH! SPLINTERS!"

The End

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"All right! We have to work together to win! Who's with me?" Leon said, looking triumphant. Everyone was silent.

"I'm with ya!" Aerith said. Everyone else was listening to Sora.

"Why does he get to lead?" Leon said.

"Because he's a born leader." said Riku.

Let's see how Team two is doing, huh?

"I just gotta say one thing Xaldin: Are you feeling lucky?" Xigbar pulled out a wide mess of armory that even the US army would kill to have. "Are ya?"

"Oh cocker spaniels, I'm screwed."

With Sora's group:

"I'm bored, so bored…" Cloud thought. "Maybe if I stabbed… no suspicious. Hmm, maybe, just maybe…"

( No mother's were hurt in the making of this scene )

"Hey Riku, your mom."

The silver haired teen turned around. "What'd you say?"

"Y-O-U-R M-O-M."

"Yeah well, your mom's so fat sets off car alarms when she runs!"

"Your mom's so fat, she's the reason they invented double doors."

"Has your mom ever considered suing her brains for non-support?"

"Your mom's so fat, when she put on a t shirt with an x on it, a helicopter landed on it!"

'Time for my ultimate attack.' Riku thought. "Okay Cloud time for my secret moves! Your mom's so fat, when she tripped in Ohio, Tokyo had an aftershock!

Yo momma's so ugly they push her face into dough to make cookies!

Yo mom's so fat, when she ordered a water bed, they put a blanket over the Atlantic ocean!

Your mother is so fat, every time she tries to get out of bed; she rocks herself back to sleep!"

Everyone was staring at both of them, waiting for Cloud's comeback. Cloud only had one thing to say.

"Your mom."

Silence.

"I won, haven't I Riku?"

"Yes you have."

In those 2 hours, team two had already gotten to the spot. "Yes! We won!" Xemnas exclaimed.

"Woo-hoo. Exclamation" Saix said with no exclamation.

"What'd we win?" Demyx asked.

"The instructions say there's an x to signal blah-blah blah."

"So we dig, right?" Larxene said.

"Maybe." Xemnas said.

"OKAY! Demyx, **DIG."**

"Why?"

"'**cuz I says so.**"

Dark ominous clouds were forming. "Just do it Demyx!" Axel said.

"Done!" Luxord said. Apparently, Luxord was so bored he did it himself. Or told Lexaeus to do it. Either way, the job was done.

"The job is done!" Xemnas said, jumping into the hole. "Look!"

Out came a chest. It looked heavy, so everyone immediately thought it was full of crap. But really heavy, jeweled crap.

"Cool. What's inside?" Sora asked.

"Oh my darkness! When'd you get here!" Xigbar said.

"Okay, one: why the cheese would you say that? Oh, and we were here the whole time." Riku said.

Cloud was still shocked that Riku beat him. Leon and Aerith had to drag him. Now Yuffie was poking him.

"What'd we win?" Larxene said.

Everyone was curious, and so Xaldin was given the job of opening the box. No matter what he did though, he couldn't open it. Larxene then came up, and opened it.

"How did you..."

"… don't ask."

Xemnas was busy looking inside. He seemed to be in shock.

"Wht's in there?" Marluxia asked.

"It's a sheet of paper. 'To whoever found this, congradulations. It took a bunch of teamwork to follow a piece of paper over here. May you die (mysteriously) by the hands of Hank, the ice cream truck driver.'"

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**Mi, that was good!**

I didn't have inspiration though…

Please review!

**All who review will receive a plushy of any organization member of choice!**

You sure know a lot for a kid of your age…


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